Exed!

Counter-productive, homophobic, manipulative, and pathetic. These are just some of the reactions I get about ex-gays. I’ve met some of them during congressional hearings and media guestings, and while I admit that sometimes I get irritated by their preposterous claims, the single most important question that keeps propping up every time the issue is discussed is this: is it really possible to swing from one side of the sexual fence to the other permanently?

For Courage Philippines, an anonymous Apostolate of Catholic ex-gays, it is possible. In a recent Senate hearing, Rolando delos Reyes, President of Courage Philippines, explained that the first step is celibacy. The idea is to reduce one’s same-sex attraction through a combination of psychiatric therapies and religious indoctrination and then slowly introduce heterosexual attraction. It is easy to surmise what goes on behind these sessions, what with the barrage of anti-gay, so-called pro-life propaganda that we continuously receive from the fundamentalist segment of the Catholic hierarchy.

(Courage regularly organizes seminars that aim to correct one’s homosexuality. The last one was held last month – I got an invitation through a friend – in the Heart Center, a government-owned hospital. Strange, how an institution of science and medicine would allow the use of taxpayers’ money for sectarian ideologies?)

Mr. delos Reyes would like to call members of his organization as “people with SSA” (or people with same-sex attraction), and one should not miss the implied reference to sickness or disease. The panacea is simple – making people with SSA closer to God, repairing dysfunctional families, and imbibing discipline to avoid temptation.

The dominant viewpoint in the scientific community disputes the claims of organizations like Courage. While there is a consensus that what we know about sexual orientation is very poor and that studies on the nature of sexual orientation – whether it is influenced “by nature or nurture” – are not conclusive, there is vast agreement that “reparative therapies” are dangerous. They reinforce self-hatred and denial, which leads to destructive behavior. In some western countries, psychiatrists are alarmed by the correlation between self-hatred and the incidence of suicide among lesbians and gay men.

Indeed, there are many arguments foisted upon the public by these secular therapies and religious groups like Courage that have been debunked already. The notion that ‘absent fathers’ cause homosexuality has been scientifically repudiated already, and surveys have been done to negate this theory. Its preposterous assumption is likewise astounding: after all, if it were true, then the deployment of male soldiers during wartime would lead to a spike in the number of gay men! (Should we blame Bush for his homosexuality-producing war in Iraq?).

There are no studies, too, that prove that these “reparative therapies” are truly successful. Some successful ex-gays are quick to say that the same-sex attraction is still there, but they are now successful in denying their desire. But isn’t that just the same as celibacy? When Mr. delos Reyes recounted that people with SSA, whenever they’re experiencing attraction toward people of the same sex, are just told to think of the opposite sex, I could only wince and feel outraged.

Granted that at the age of majority, it is an individual’s choice to undergo such therapies. But is it ethical or moral? My answer is no. Sexually confused individuals should be given counseling that would provide a safe and healthy outlook toward sex and sexual orientation. When counseling is meant to promote and deepen self-hatred and denial, then it smacks of manipulation and deceit.

Should we hate ex-gays? One heart-breaking argument that they oftentimes raise is the inherent loneliness of gay life, a critique against the much-maligned promiscuity of homosexuals and the fleeting ‘nature’ of gay love. I wonder if they’re actually referring to the life that they lead, or if they’re even aware that they are alienating their flock from a faith that lacks compassion and love. But why hate them, when years of gay activism actually show that we – gays and the so-called ex-gays – are but one community suffering from the brunt of stigma. Their leaders can deride gay love for all they want, but after falling in and out of love, I sincerely believe that love, actually, is enduring.

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Those who are interested in the adverse impact of ‘reparative therapies’ should read this article from Psychology Today.